tête-à-tête with St. Valentine

Every year the fourteenth day of February is celebrated as the Valentine’s Day. On this day couples express their love for each other by presenting flowers, greeting cards, chocolates, chloro-mints (gifted to those with bad breaths) etc.

I approached the man behind this auspicious day for lovers, fund-raising day for gift shop owners and agonizing day for the rest.

Saint Valentine was a great martyr who sacrificed his life for uniting young lovers. Though we all know about Valentine’s Day but very few know about St. Valentine. A lot has changed since he died. Let’s try to know how he feels ’bout twenty-first century Valentine’s Day.

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Just Average Day

This machine is loud. Must be a Harley, Panir thought in his half-sleep-half-awake state. He lives in a single room above a restaurant. This type of rooms are cheap. But the bad thing is this room is just beside a busy road.

It’s 7:48 am. Panir lifted his eyelids to see the time. Damn. I can still sleep for 12 more minutes, his thoughts keep running. Panir hates this feeling, when you know you have time to sleep some more and you are awake before time. Nothing happens before time with him. Buses never come before time when he is waiting at bus stop. His class teacher never leaves the class before time. It happens only with his sleep. He always wakes up few minutes before 8 o’clock, his regular wake up time.

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How to Make Girlfriend?

Disclaimer: This post is written for guys. Girls can also try. Results may vary.

World famous Bengali scientist Dr. GU Dey is the author of the best-seller book-  Human Emotions: Love, Sex and everything unimportant. He has done profound study on the science behind male and female outlook over ‘which one is more important: love or sex?’ Today he will enlighten those poor souls who wish to have girlfriends but can’t afford one and then pretend that ‘oh I’m not into love, I’m into sex’ kind of guys.

There are many articles on how to get a girlfriend or how to find a girlfriend but what they are saying is approach girls, be confident, be witty, be attractive etc. But where is the how to be confident or how to be witty post? We understand that any man who has all these calibers will never need to read such thing. Here is the solution you have been looking for so long. These steps don’t require you to be attractive or witty. This is the secret mantra behind every Tom, Dick and Hairy getting a girlfriend and not you. Now even you can get girlfriend by just following these easy steps. Yes you can.

Step: 1

First choose your niche. What kind of girl you will be good at? Various types of niches are- 1. Bomb-shell, 2. Hot, 3. Sexy, 4. Sweet, 5.Cute, 6.blonde dumb, 7.Studious, 8.Orthodox, 9. atleast she’s a girl etc. etc.

So choose wisely. Don’t choose anything you dream to be good at- be truthful to yourself. Ask yourself how much do you worth? This will help you decide which niche you should follow. Although there are many different types of girls yet all of them follow the same protocol.

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Wassup? Nothin’ much…

Panir is now bl_nk. Complete blank. He is thinking nothing. This is happening to him for last few days. Hours pass by when he thinks nothing, feels nothing. Is this good? Whenever he thinks of something- he feels sad. It’s like as zero is greater than -10, similarly thinking nothing is better than thinking sad. But his doctor says thinking nothing is not normal. People usually think something as long as they are awake, then they dream. So if Panir is not thinking anything et al. it means he is not fully functional. Seems like a custom-made paradox. He can either be fully functional and sad or unfit and not feel anything. Which way to take is the question.

His cell phone starts beeping. Message. Health Services has sent a reminder sms saying he has an appointment with Dr. Adams today at 3:15 pm. You have an appt with Dr Adams on Thurs, 10 Dec 2009 at 3:15 PM. Please reply with Y to confirm or N to cancel this appt. Non attendance may incur fees. How stupid a sms can be. He can see the number from which this message been sent. It’s a local 10 digit mobile number. Yet they make it sound like a machine generated text. Press Y for ‘yes’ and N for ‘no’. When the Health Service System is this stupid then how could they treat some other’s stupidity? Sumit’s list of dilemmas were multiplying in numbers as fast as rats in damp warehouse.

First thing Panir does when he wakes up in the morning is to switch on his laptop. Sometimes he won’t even shut down his system at night and wake up to sit with it again. He looks at the clock in the right-bottom corner of the screen. His vision is still blurry from the long sleep. It’s 12 noon. Good, his sleeping hygiene is now as bad as Calcutta General Govt. Hospital. ‘I can either leave my bed now, brush my teeth have a late breakfast or I can sleep for some more time- then wake up and have lunch at proper lunch-time’. Panir starts to feel happy and closes his eye lids again.

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