1:30 pm. Hot summer mid-day. I am sitting in the waiting room of a private clinic. I don’t have any appointment neither do I need to visit any doctor. I was looking for a cool place to rest and these private clinics are usually a good bet for that. Air-conditioned, comfy seats and the best thing is nobody ever asks you a question. This room is almost empty except an old man, most probably in his 70s, who is sitting in the other corner. My plan is to chill for some more, then pretend like ‘Oh shit! I forgot to lock my car’ and quietly sneak away. I tried this twice before and till date I have hundred percent success rate.
A young girl walked in. White top and skinny blue jeans. If anybody ever makes a list of most clichéd outfit in the world then white shirt and blue jeans will certainly top the list. But the good thing about it is- it never goes out of fashion. Anyway I should not be commenting on fashion, my fashion sense is only as good as Uncle Scrooge (pic) who considers wearing a coat is more fashionable than wearing a pant.
I can’t guess her age. Girls from 17 to 27 all look same to me. All of them look like mean of 17 to 27 = 22, girls younger than twenty-two try to look more mature while those older than twenty-two manage to look younger somehow.
She kept her bag in the chair beside me and sat on the next chair. This is a clear signal of ‘I am not interested’, but I will ignore it and try to make some conversation. This is not something that happens in everyday life of a guy like me. I should say something funny. Girls like witty guys. Girls like handsome guys too, since I can’t change my looks right now so I should try the witty approach. I had a friend in college who was very popular among girls because he was funny. Whenever he used to say something all girls used to ROFL. That guy was fat, had a huge tummy- still always surrounded by girls. I think it was his face and his way of saying something that used to make every damn thing sound hilarious. He had this style of narrating even the most comical incident with a unsmiling face and still sound funny.
One day we were all sitting in college canteen and the usual gossip was on. Our topic of discussion kicked off with football then jumped over to politics then to profs and then on what electives we should take for next semester. When my turn came I said- “I have changed my mind…”
Funny-man interrupted and with his poker face on he said- “thank god! so is it working now?”. Everybody started laughing.
But being the funny man is not always fun. People laugh at anything you say. Later that week, funny-man came and said- “I didn’t pass in two subjects”. Everybody started laughing. (I laughed even louder. Yes I am evil, I laugh at others misfortune. Specially of those who make fun of me.)
However except a few occasion being the funny-man usually works for getting chicks. He used to get hugs and face palms from girls while rest of us just used to watch in complete disbelief.
So here I am sitting next (leaving one chair in between) to a pretty twenty-two year looking girl and I need to say something funny right now. I turned towards her and said,
-Hi, she replied with a plastic smile.
-So how have you been? Long time since we last met…
-Excuse me! Do I know you?
She raised her eyebrows. Now she is looking with suspicion. Trying to recall whether we have actually met before or not. She knows this is the oldest trick in book to start conversation, but somewhere back in her mind also lies the slight probability of actually meeting me (considering the ample number of jerks every pretty girl meets regularly). She doesn’t want to embarrass me in that case.
She seems to be a nice girl. I have to make up a story of our previous meet and make it up right now. It should be something very general, very familiar. Such that even if she can’t recall it (which she certainly would not) still she should not be able to dismiss it completely. I should try something mundane. Something that almost everybody has been through in life, like a friend’s party or may be a journey together in bus or train.
Nooo. None of these are witty or intelligent. I should try something out-of-the-box.
So I thought out-of-the-box and said,
-I am Batman. Just forgot my mask at home today.
I gave her a strange smile followed by my special jig of the day- “Oh shit! I forgot to lock my Batmobile” and walked out.
(By the way, do Batmobiles have door lock? I don’t remember any sequence from any Batman movie or DC Comics when Batman takes a moment to lock his Batmobile door just before kicking some serious butt and save the world.)