How to Make Girlfriend?

Disclaimer: This post is written for guys. Girls can also try. Results may vary.

World famous Bengali scientist Dr. GU Dey is the author of the best-seller book-  Human Emotions: Love, Sex and everything unimportant. He has done profound study on the science behind male and female outlook over ‘which one is more important: love or sex?’ Today he will enlighten those poor souls who wish to have girlfriends but can’t afford one and then pretend that ‘oh I’m not into love, I’m into sex’ kind of guys.

There are many articles on how to get a girlfriend or how to find a girlfriend but what they are saying is approach girls, be confident, be witty, be attractive etc. But where is the how to be confident or how to be witty post? We understand that any man who has all these calibers will never need to read such thing. Here is the solution you have been looking for so long. These steps don’t require you to be attractive or witty. This is the secret mantra behind every Tom, Dick and Hairy getting a girlfriend and not you. Now even you can get girlfriend by just following these easy steps. Yes you can.

Step: 1

First choose your niche. What kind of girl you will be good at? Various types of niches are- 1. Bomb-shell, 2. Hot, 3. Sexy, 4. Sweet, 5.Cute, 6.blonde dumb, 7.Studious, 8.Orthodox, 9. atleast she’s a girl etc. etc.

So choose wisely. Don’t choose anything you dream to be good at- be truthful to yourself. Ask yourself how much do you worth? This will help you decide which niche you should follow. Although there are many different types of girls yet all of them follow the same protocol.

Step: 2

Do research on your niche. Read internet articles, blogs, orkut scraps of random girls, send friend request to any profile with a girl name and a celeb pic or even worse without any pic.

Ask your friends, colleagues, flat mates, public toilet friends, bus stop friends- about their love stories. You will find these knowledge helpful in managing your own love life. But for managing a love-life you will need someone to love. And to find someone whom you will love you will need a girlfriend. Since you don’t have a girlfriend yet goto step 3.

Step: 3

Zero down your target. Chances are very less that you will find this step that difficult. There are not many girls to choose from when you think of the number of girls who might have taken you seriously for more than ten minutes.

Step: 4

Buy her a nice gift on her birthday. You might end up spending more than all the gifts you ever bought for others in your entire life combined. It’s okey. After gulping all your money she might notice you. Wait for two weeks. If you don’t get any reply from her within two-weeks then buy her another costly gift on next friendship’s day, teacher’s day, children’s day, parent’s day, AIDS day, Valentines’ day, Wednesday, Friday or any other day.

Step: 5

You should be getting occasional forwarded sms on random topics like friendship, santa-banta, urgent blood requirements in XYZ hospital, forward to 10 other people for genuine ashirwad from Lord Ganesha/ Jai Mata Di/ Tirupati etc. If you are not getting such messages(sms) from her quite often then you start to send such msgs to her. She will then start to reply gradually. Once you have established a good frequency of sms-ing each other then you might start to send her some urdu shayri on love. Hindi Love messages that sound like a Nursery Rhymes are also as effective.

Step: 6

In this step you will make frequent calls to her. You can ask absurd questions as a conversation starter. You will make long calls so long that you will stay glued with your phone whole night. Your ‘topic of discussion’ might take unexpected twist and turns. Don’t worry, this is fun. Now goto final step.

Step: 7

Propose the girl. This is your ‘moment of truth’. She might say ‘yes’ up front or give you some subtle hints. Use your full intelligence to decipher those ‘subtle hints’. (Don’t over use them. That usually causes adverse effects.) Otherwise goto step 3.


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P.S. Don’t ask me why it is named ‘How to make girlfriend?’ I just asked गर्लफ्रेंड केसे बनाते हैं? Google did the rest.

(I have written this post only for Avant Garde Bloggies Awards 2009. There will be a sequel to this ‘how-to’ post. Title will be decided later. The title would be either ‘How to win Avant Garde Bloggies Awards’ or ‘How not to win Avant Garde Bloggies Awards’ ).

21 thoughts on “How to Make Girlfriend?

  1. Err..no comments on steps.

    But wah, good to see people writing special posts for Avant Garde BLoggies Awards. But you can enter your older posts too. Choose the three best categories you want to be in. :)

  2. Great gyan. Nevertheless, I’d also like some advice on pick-up lines. Will stuff like “Your dad must have been a terrorist cause you are a bomb” work?

  3. Damn. I came here looking for steps like: Take 1 part polyjuice potion, a hair each of Emma Watson, Tera Patrick, Catherine Zeta Jones, Marie Curie and Julia Roberts. Mix. Shake well and force it down any girl’s throat.

    But then. Your steps aren’t too bad either.. :D

    And Step 5 is the territory of a lot of people. Not just couples. So there.

    Cheers!

    *and special cheers for editing Harman Baweja out of that pic*

  4. I feel deprived; I don’t have any public toilet friends. /Grumbles.

    (anally retentive editing:
    Step 2: last line. Go To needs to be separated with a space. If goto is a command she understands, you’ve got the next generation blowup doll! Me wants too!
    Step 7: You don’t propose a girl, you propose TO her. Unless you’re wheeling and dealing and you’re swapping the girl for some quality smack or something. Personally, I’m a fan of propositioning without proposing. Cut to the chase.)

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  7. I tried a few of these and some of them worked. I MADE a girlfriend – a really nice girl on the street, i told her that she was now my girlfriend. She ran away – faster than Usain Bolt. Like you said, Girls may try but results will differ.

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  10. Nai yaar . I’ve found a girl and I’ve also talked with her request for friendship . But she replied no . And now I can’t go to her or talk with her .

  11. I LIKE ALL COMENETS but its why that i like a girl who delike me and a girl likes me and i delike her now tell me my cell number.. 0343 6555276 and 0301 4456361

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